


Unsteady

by BlackSwan21



Series: Hold on, I'm a Little Unsteady [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mates, Temporary Character Death, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 14:04:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16087616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackSwan21/pseuds/BlackSwan21
Summary: Just because you are safe from the physical danger does not mean the mental threat is gone. Jack is struggling to come to terms with the torture that he witnessed and felt. What he does not realize is that not all of the residents of the bunker are s eager to forgive his mistake of losing his grace to Lucifer.





	Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, bear with me I don't have a beta, so all mistakes are yours truly. I am just running with my Jack muse and seeing where it takes me right now. I hope you guys are enjoying it.

Jack sat there on the edge of the bed in his small room in the bunker with shaking hands as he tried to process everything that just happened. He was so desperate to have some normalcy in his life, but after what he saw that day... well, all that Jack could think of is that demon on top of Y/N and those gasps for air. Tears stung at Jack’s eyes as the boy tried to control his breathing, trying to collect himself in any way possible. Jack had to pull himself together, Y/N would be able to feel everything that he was feeling right now, and there was no telling how much longer she would be sleeping. A glance over to the woman sleeping soundly behind him in bed assured him that his emotions had not disturbed the woman as of yet.

Everything just seemed to be falling apart around him, and he could not help but feel helpless. It was hard to believe that things had spiraled this far. There was so much going on, but all Jack could feel was the firm grip on his arms, the smell of sulfur clinging to the hairs of his nose. The danger was long gone, but mentally Jack was still trapped in that stone tomb. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he arms wrap around his waist.

The sound of Y/N’s voice came from behind him, the worry from her surrounding him as he was sure she felt his emotional angst. “Come back to bed cinnabun. I’m cold.” Y/N said softly, the smell of cinnamon and apples greeting him as his hands rested on top of hers. The nickname of all nicknames that Y/N had given him was cinnabun. She said that it was because he was sweet and fluffy, but Jack still was not big on the nickname.

“I still don’t get the appeal in that nickname,” Jack said softly, slowly doing as he was requested to and turning around. Wrapping his arm around Y/N as he crawled into the covers with the woman he loved so much. Things just seemed to fall into place with Y/N in his arms. Her short hair was tickling his neck a little bit as he held the thin woman close to him. “I keep thinking about what happened... what they did to you... I can’t stop hearing your screams.” He said softly, holding Y/N firmly as tears formed in his eyes as his body shook with the force of his emotions.

Jack felt warm arms wrap around him as he ran a hand through the once long full head of hair. Even the lack of hair was a rude reminder of what happened to the two of them. “Try always feeling dirty and used. Feeling those grabby hands... the black eyes, sulfur...” Y/N explained as she held onto Jack tighter, her breathing speeding up and grip tightening even further. Jack felt tears coming to his eyes at the intense emotional pain inside him. Almost as if to match the emotional distress he felt Y/N start shaking as she sobbed into his chest.

“It’s okay, we are safe now,” Jack said softly, trying to hide the crack in his voice with a cough. He just held Y/N close as he shed a few tears of his own. Desperately trying to keep it together for Y/N. She might be able to feel his emotional pain, but that does not mean that she had to witness him being an emotional mess. Jack just held Y/N close and settled into the sheets, curling up next to her. Hoping to whoever was out there that he could somehow pull himself together enough to help this woman cope with the scale of what happened to the pair; and more importantly what happened to her.

Jack only watched the horrible things happen to the women, but to have them done to you and know that a loved one is watching... he honestly did not know which situation was worse. He just held Y/N as she cried into his chest. His shirt was now soaking wet from the tears, but the boy could care less. He just cared about getting her back to herself again. Taking her tears away and putting that smile back on her face. Jack lost track of time as he laid there just holding Y/N close as she cried. It almost startled him when he heard that quiet voice come from his chest, slightly muffled by the cloth next to it. “I don’t know if I can be the same person I was before Jack. I feel so... please don’t leave me.” Y/N begged as she clung to him, holding on tightly and moving, so she had a hand on either side of his head. Her Y/E/C eyes looked deep into his, tears shining in them as a soft sniffle left her mouth. “Please stay my Cinnabun.” She said, her voice cracking and those arms trembling with the weight on them.

Despite him hating the nickname that Y/N had given him, he could not help but find himself assuring her of the nickname. “I will always be your Cinnabun, just like you will always be my Mouse,” Jack reassured Y/N, looking up, and pulling her back down, so her head was resting on his chest; the rare calm that was radiating off of Y/N a stark contrast to the emotional turmoil inside Jack. Horrible cries of pain and twisting black faces haunting his mind.

“Jack, I can feel how upset you are right now. Just... just know that, even though I have my problems I am still here for you.” Y/N said softly, her eyes looking deep into his as he fought back fresh tears of his own now. He knew that there were people that cared about him. The words that were spoken out loud still brought tears to his eyes. There were just so many levels of pain that Jack had felt in such a short time that the boy did not even know existed. It just hurt so bad, but he knew that Y/N was in pain. So, he was going to shove all of his problems down for now.

One problem with the plan to shove his feelings down. Jack is horrible at hiding his feelings; it is like they all want to explode out at once. He just leaned down and hesitantly kissed Y/N on the cheek. “I love you Y/N,” Jack said softly, pulling Y/N close and ran his hand through what was left of her hair. “This shouldn’t have happened to you; I should have kept you safe. I’m useless Y/N. I can’t keep anyone safe like this.” Jack said as he started breathing heavier and felt those emotions he shoved down beginning to come back up as he held onto Y/N closer.

Jack closed his eyes as he felt Y/N pull away from him, probably to get away from him after what happened. Despite the self-loathing that Jack felt, he felt nothing but love and concern from the woman next to him. He felt a hand run through his hair and his head was pulled into a warm softness. “I don’t need someone that has powers to keep me safe all the time. I need you to be you, my nougat loving love bug. I don’t care if you have powers or not, we will change the world for the best together.” Y/N said softly, Jack opened his eyes and looked deep into those Y/E/C ones. He just smiled and held Y/N close; she indeed was perfect in every way. He could not possibly ask for more out of someone that he called a mate.

“Let’s go get something to eat,” Jack said as he smiled at Y/N and slowly sat up and got to his feet. Helping Y/N to her feet as she slowly rolled to the edge of the bed. He smiled at Y/N and took her hand in his as he slowly opened the door and walked outside. Barely getting a foot out the door before Y/N was shoved into the wall and he was tackled to the ground and fists were hitting him in the face. Jack faintly hear yelling as he grabbed the fists pumbling him before they hit him again and twisted as he flipped the attacker over. Pinning the assaulting hands above their head and stopping their legs from moving with his own.

Before either of them could talk, Jack had a sharp pain in his head and a heaviness in his chest. Y/N... Jack rushed off the attacker and looked around, seeing Y/N on the ground by the wall with blood trickling down her hairline. “Y/N!” Jack yelled only to have an arm wrap around his neck and yank him back. “Get off of me!” He yelled, struggling for a moment and rushing back into the wall to try and knock the attacker off. There was pain everywhere as a hand moved over his mouth and a knife to his throat. All Jack could think about was the unmoving body on the floor by the wall. He could not even begin the think of what he would do without Y/N in his life, and the thought alone was bringing tears to his eyes. Words vaguely registered next to his ear as he started shaking with the bottled up emotion threatening to spill over.

“Let him go, now!” Sam yelled from around the corner, getting the attacker to loosen their grip long enough for Jack to get free and rush to Y/N. Oh God, she was so pale that her skin almost looked grey. Jack could feel her heartbeat as he held the woman in his arms. “What did you do to my sister?” Sam demanded behind Jack, and he held Y/N close, and the emotions he had been holding back came flooding out, and he started sobbing. His body was shaking as he clung to Y/N’s cold body, rocking back and forth with the sobs.

Jack felt a presence next to him, but could not bear to pull his head away from Y/N’s pale face. Watching her lips turn blue as a hand rested on his shoulder, yelling came from the distance as anger took over Jack. Y/N could not leave him like this; it was not fair to lose her after everything that had happened to them. He turned to the presence next to him and saw Castiel crouched next to him. “Please, save her. We... I need her.” Jack said softly, his eyes full of unshed tears, face wet with the tears that got free. He was willing to do anything to get Y/N back to him. He could feel that piece of him fading as they spoke, like a part of his soul was about to break off.  
  
His eyes met Castiel’s blue ones for a moment before he watched Castiel’s attention turn to Y/N. “I can try Jack, but she may already be gone,” Castiel said softly as his fingers touched Y/N’s head. Jack refused to believe that Y/N would leave him. Sure things were not the easiest right now, but she would never leave him. No, they were soul mates, they couldn’t part with each other. Jack looked behind him as I bright light formed around Y/N, watching Sam punch one of the refugees in the face hard enough for them to hit the ground. All he wanted to do was beat that man till he was dead, but he could not leave Y/N. No, he needed to be here when she came back to them.

The light faded and Jack quickly turned his attention to that pale skin. Slowly he could see colour returning to that small face. The boy took Y/N in his arms again and held her tightly. Just like that whatever self-control he had left him, and he started sobbing and completely fell apart. That image of Y/N laying there, her skin turning grey and looking all wrong, that hole that developed in his chest... Jack just could not handle it. He just sat there and fell to pieces.

Jack felt a hand on his shoulder, and the voice he got to know so well in the apocalypse world came from next to his head. “Jack honey, she’s not dead. I can see her eyes moving.” Mary said from next to him as he took deep breaths and everything just came out in a mess of sobs and tears. “Come, let's take Y/N to the bedroom and get her comfortable.” She suggested as Jack struggled to get it together, he just could not bring himself to let go of Y/N, it was almost as if she left his arms then it would be for good. Mary’s next words sobered Jack’s emotions and forced him to focus again, “Jack, Y/N is going to need your help when she wakes up, and when you are like this, you can’t be the help she needs. You need to be strong for her.” Jack took a deep breath and hiccuped at little, still clinging to Y/N tightly.

Mary helped Jack to his feet, and Jack held Y/N closer as they walked down the hallway. The cold of the concrete floor nothing in comparison to the chilly feeling of the body in his arms. He took deep breaths as yelling started from down the hall. The most important thing was the woman in his arms and getting her into a warm and safe bed. How could he keep her safe again though? He could not even stop that refugee from restraining him as they did. Slowly he made his way into Y/N’s room and over to her bed. Slowly laying Y/N down on the bed and covering her under the covers. Lowly moving so he was sitting down on the bed next to her.

Jack hung his head in his hands as he took deep breaths to try and calm himself as the hole in his chest eased more and more with every breath Y/N started taking. The boy was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he nearly jumped out of his skin as a voice came next to him. All Jack wanted to do was curl up with Y/N and never leave this room again, but that the familiar voice next to him was not going to disappear without being addressed. Jack lifted his head out of his hands as he felt a strong warm hand on his back; looking over he saw Sam sitting there, watching him with those eyes full of so many emotions of their own. “She is going to be okay Jack. Cas said that he healed all he could and she should be fine.” Sam explained with a soft smile, making Jack bit his lip as he fought back a fresh wave of tears.

Strong arms wrapped themselves around Jack as he closed his eyes. Jack wrapped his arms around Sam as the tears started again and he hid his face in that large flannel shirt. There was no telling how long it took for Jack to calm himself down, or how long it took for his uneven speedy breathing to return to the shallow tired breaths. He felt exhausted in every way, and whatever just happened outside was not helping anything. Jack just clung to Sam as he tried to collect himself from the blubbering mess that he was right now. “You want to talk about it? Y/N told me about what happened to her, and I can’t even begin to understand how you would feel right now.” Sam explained as he slowly ran his warm hand up and down Jack’s back.

No, Jack did not want to talk about anything that he saw in that God forsaken place that they were in before. The problem was that Jack did not know if the images would ever leave his mind on their own. All Jack knew was that he had to put a stop to these haunting scenes playing over and over again in his head. Sam was right, the man could really not even fathom what torture was swirling around Jack’s head right now. “They made me watch Sam. I closed my eyes, but I could feel her pain in every way. There was nothing I could do to help her, I’m useless without my powers. I had to stand there and be restrained by some demon while they used Y/N like a toy.” Jack said quietly, his voice breaking as he started to crumble apart again.

“Jack, look at me,” Sam said as Jack felt Sam pull away from him. Probably about to tell Jack how big he messed up, or how much he had let the Winchester’s down this time again. Jack felt a hand under his chin lift his head up, so he was looking up at Sam’s face. “None of this is your fault. Just because you don’t have powers does not make you useless. None of us have powers but Cas, and look at how much we have done. We saved the world so many times I lost count, and all without superpowers.” Sam explained as Jack watched him, just taking in his words. The Winchesters had done a lot in their years on earth, but even they reached their limitations with Lucifer and had to get the help of Michael (look how well that went).

Jack sniffled a little as he tried to breathe through his now congested nose. A soft knock on the door broke the moment, and Jack looked over to see Mary poking her head in the room. “How are my boys doing?” Mary asked, earning a small smile from Jack at the thought of him being her boy. They had not started off in the best of ways at the apocalypse world, but Mary and Jack fought together side by side, and she watched out for him like a mother with the refugees. Not that he needed much protecting back then. Now... well, now he could use all the protection that he could get.

Putting a label on how he felt right now was something that Jack did not even know was possible. There were just so many different levels of feelings that Jack felt inside of him right now that he could not even start to try and sum up how he felt. He did not have to do much talking because Sam spoke up for Jack after a long silence between Mary’s question and Jack mulling it over in his foggy mind. “They went through more than we can even imagine mom. I think they just need some time.” Sam explained as slowly the warmth around Jack disappeared as the bed shifted a little, and a soft groan came from behind him.

Quickly, Jack looked over and saw Y/N’s eyes slowly fluttering open. He felt his heart flutter with her eyelashes, wincing when a sudden splitting pain in his head came over him as he watched Y/N rub her head. “Hey, mouse,” Jack said as he watched those Y/E/C eyes look around the room for a moment only to rest on him. A small smile spread across Y/N’s face as Jack laid down next to her in the bed, slowly pulling her into his arms and holding her little body close. Just trying to focus on the fact that they were both alive and awake right now.

“You’re bleeding.” Y/N said as she pulled away from him and a look of concern covered her face. Jack had not even thought about what happened to him. He was so focused on Y/N that his injuries had been the last thing on his mind. It was at that moment that the pain in his face started, an intense deep throbbing from all the blows that he took by that man’s fists. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” She said softly, taking his hand and holding it in her small ones as they walked over to the bedroom vanity. Jack felt himself being pushed into the chair next to the wooden table.

Jack looked up at Y/N as she took his face in her hands and stood next to him. Their eyes both locking on each other. This woman was everything to Jack. Yes, he had a family now. He gave all of himself to this woman. She was both his strength and biggest weakness at the same time. In the end, Jack knew that as long as he had Y/N with him that it was going to be alright. That is why it was so terrifying to see her laying there on the floor to still. After everything that he had watched Y/N go through he just did not know if he could take watching her hurt more. He rested his hands on top of Y/N’s hands and just watched her smile at him. “I love you so much mouse,” Jack said as he felt Y/N’s hands drop while she dug around in a drawer and pulled out a small blue kit.

“I love you to nougat boy.” Y/N said, turning back towards him with some salve and an alcohol pad. Jack smiled a little and moved his head quickly and kissed Y/N’s hand before she could reach his cut along his cheekbone. “Hey, let me fix you up you love bug.” She said softly, bending down and placing a light kiss on his nose as he grinned at her; feeling the pull at his rapidly swelling eye.

He watched Y/N work as she bandaged his wounds and put something on the bruises that numbed the pain and tingled warmly. Jack watched as Y/N turned her back, putting away the kit, slowly standing up and walking behind her. His arms tightly wrapped around Y/N’s waist from behind, pulling her close. “I guess we have to watch ourselves around the refugees for a while.” Y/N said as she leaned back into Jack’s chest and leaned her head back on his shoulder.

It was hard even to start thinking about how the refugees felt about Jack right now. Sure he gained their uneasy trust before by proving himself in the apocalypse world. Letting Lucifer take advantage of him as he did though... even Jack could not forgive himself for that mistake. This mess was all Jack’s fault in the first place if he had not been in existence at all the rift would have never been opened, and Mary would not have gone missing, and the alternate version of Michael would not have gotten loose. More importantly, his mother would still be alive and well right now.

The refugees probably hated him, and Jack did not blame them one bit. He felt Y/N pull out of his arms, and her face suddenly filled his vision. “Jack, please don’t blame yourself. I can feel the pain and anger... you did nothing wrong. Everything was Lucifer’s mess, and we are stuck cleaning it up now. You want to blame someone, blame me for not stopping you from going with Lucifer, or blame Mary for getting herself stuck in the apocalypse world. Hell, if Sam had not of left Lucifer in apocalypse world in the first place, this would have never happened either. So, who’s fault is it really Jack. The one who was just looking for some kind of a blood connection, or the ones that knew better and still made their mistakes?” Y/N explained as she slowly let go of Jack’s face and rested her hands on his chest and stayed close to him.

Jack wrapped his arms around Y/N and buried his face in her neck as he processed her words. This problem was a series of events that could not have been stopped by one person alone. Knowing all that Jack knew he was sure that there might not have been any stopping the events at all. It might have just been fate. Lucifer had his true vessel at one point, and Sam locked the fallen angel away it the process. It was only fitting that the universe would set the stage for the other brother to be locked away again. The problem was that Michael was not going just to be locked away this time. No, there was a small army out for his angelic grace, and getting him out of his true vessel was the number one priority. There was no defeating him while he was at his full strength like he is now. That is why finding Dean before the refugees do is so important. Not that any of them could take down an angel as dominant as Michael.

The important thing for Jack right now was to make sure that he could work with a clear mind again. He was no use to anyone if he could not go five minutes without hearing those screams in pure pain again. The woman in his arms might just be the key to him healing after this ordeal, just as he is her key to healing. Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath in Y/N’s neck, breathing in that smell that was uniquely Y/N. Using it as a grounding tool, stopping him from floating around like a ship without an anchor. He truly was in over his head right now, and it was hard even to see straight. So, Jack did not say anything. Choosing to instead just hold Y/N close and try to forget about the world outside the room. Nothing mattered but the two of them right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it, there might be more. 
> 
> Constructive and positive feedback is always welcome and encouraged.


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